Christmas Songs for a Christmas Atmosphere

This post is going to be the first one out of the twelve Christmas posts, even if we're one day away from winter officially claiming its rights I am like an impatient little kid who stands by the window waiting for Santa to come riding his carriage pulled by the well-known reindeers.

I already hanged my Christmas lights on my window telling Santa that I'm one of the very first kids waiting for him to come and leave present under my Christmas tree, thought I am not a kid anymore, pulling twenty in the next July I'll always have a little kids inside of me just for him.

Setting the Christmas stage is not that difficult. Hang some Christmas lights, bring a Christmas tree, decorate it with your loved ones, while doing it play some Christmas songs. In the evening have a cup of hot chocolate, again with your loved ones. But if you're alone invite your friends, their are good companions and don't mind if they bring some food and a good mood. Watch together a good old fashion movie about Christmas and I may have some suggestions but more about that later in the post. Everyone of us should have a Christmas tradition, I have mine and it has already started. Besides setting me into a good mood these Christmas lights are really nice to look at. Around Christmas on 25th I watch the classics which for me are Die Hard, first movie and of course the second one, same applies to Home Alone, first and second movie. 

But what about music?

If last year I recommended you songs from Michael Buble this year we will be going way back, right to Frank Sinatra, don't know why I haven't thought of him in the past years, but hey, it hasn't been that long since I've started blogging in english.

So ladies and gentlemen, here is the music that is stubborn enough not to age, the music that will never leave our homes on Christmas holidays. This is the music that somebody pointed out will make us feel as if we were born in the wrong century. Without any doubts I would have grown up a happy kid while listening to Frank Sinatra's music, and not only to his Christmas songs. 

Knock yourselves out. 

But oh my god, let's not forget about Michael Buble. Although we cannot compare him to Frank Sinatra I would like to think of him as the Frank Sinatra of our century.

I'm simply melting, leave this page in the background while dining with your family, leave it in the background while decorating your Christmas tree or while dancing, this music is good for everything you might be doing in the spirit of these amazing holidays that most people seemed to lengthen from a few days to an entire month and they didn't do anything wrong by doing that.

So, have a Merry Little Christmas and wait for my next post but until then ...

... be kind to one another and by doing that you might change a life. 

Thoughts That Go Through My Mind

In the following minutes I will try to write every single thing that goes through my mind. I am staring at this text editor and I forgot how it looks since the last time I used it. It's been a long time and in this rhythm I will bleed every single reader I have left but I don't care, since I am in pain almost the entire time I wouldn't be interested either in reading depressing posts that would make me kill myself. So, every reader seeking interesting posts to read stumbled upon this piece of ... work wants to leave so be it. I am not god at making people do stuff, I can advise them but most certainly not obligate them do stuff that they don't want to do.

Man, this tooth ache is a bitch, it's been going on for hours, on a scale from 1 to 10 it's a certain 7, bearable but it's more than enough that if it won't go away in the next few hours I'll go crazy, or to be more exact I'll come closer to what people call certifiably nuts. Generally speaking, on that very same scale, pain is always a seven, and it doesn't matter if it's physical or spiritual. Of course there are tons of moments when it's more than a seven, but for now there is a person in my life, my best friend who in a miraculous way manages to bring me to a five, my pain doesn't go lower than a five, yet it's more that I could have hopped for. Considering what I've gone through and am still going through I'd be happy to be on a five for the rest of my life. Life is pain, I have never known a person who didn't know pain, many of us have our own definitions but in the end we all feel pain. 

This time I won't be so concerned about this post looking perfect yet old habits die hard, I will read the same sentence dozens of times and see if it sounds good to my internal ear, see if it's close to perfection, usually I set the text alignment to "justify", this time I won't be doing that, don't know why, usually it matter to me, now it simply does not, perhaps it's because very few people will get the patience to read it and even fewer will have any patience left to write down a comment saying "I Feel for you", "I'm here for you" or "How can I help". It would be cruel to myself to kid myself that through this blog I will achieve anything but today I had a revelation, one of the many reasons of why I kept blogging is to find my person, and a few months back I succeeded, "succeeded" a word I never thought I'd say yet it happened, I succeed at finding that person, I found her, she found me, we both found each other, we depend on each other, sometimes it's rather amazing, but other times we're both aching as life doesn't treat us well, and as much as it kills us we can't do anything to change that, with no doubts or whatsoever, I am strongly convinced that we deserve to be acknowledged and be awarded for our constant and ruthless fights against those loads of pain that the people who are supposed to protect us send in our ways. 

She doesn't hate her enemies, I hate mine, I've got so good at hating people that I have enough hate for her enemies as well, I do not wish them well and whenever something bad happens to my enemies I am a little bit happy, but of course I am only human and I feel bad for them too, but that bit of joy and happiness will never go away, and I will smile inside, only for me to see and feel. Karma's a bitch, I love karma, I wish she'd visit me more often as I think I've done a lot of good deeds and will not ever stop doing good deeds but I'd like to be rewarded in some ways, even with money, why not, saying that I wouldn't take money it would be lying and I hate liars. I may not say the entire truth, but lying? No way in hell. 

I'm in pain, I know I already said that but I am in pain, my teeth hurt, my left knee hurts, earlier in the day my heart skipped a bit, and if not all that my soul hurts 'cause I've got one, but I'd rather sell it, it doesn't do any good to me. 

I am a garden, dreams come out of me, they're green, they feed off the sun and rain, I like rain, I used to hate it, I used to be scared of big thunderstorms but now I love them, but back to being a garden, but there are people in my life who act as big rusty bulldozers who only have one aim, to crush my dreams before they hit maturity. Kinda getting tired of dreaming but I know that it's in my DNA, there is nothing I can do about that. Most of the time dreaming is all I have, most of the time dreaming is my morphine. But sometimes is that pain I am so busy getting rid off. 

Oh life. I don't want you, and yet I want you. I don't wanna live, and yet I don't wanna die, I'm scared to die, yet I'm scared to live. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week I am scared, and helpless, and useless, and feeling sorry for myself,  I have almost lived a quarter of a century and compared to some life spans I've lived a third of a life, and I've done nothing for the humanity, this world is a bad place to live and I wanna change that but there isn't anything I can do. 

My DNA embeds all the wrong characteristics for this time, for this space, for this country, for this part of the world, for these parents, for this house. 

About house, every time I think of this word it hits me that there is a certain difference between house and home, although my entire life I had a roof over my had I never had a home where I felt protected, I had a house where I felt neglected, unwanted and upset. I think I am the youngest kid ever in this family to feel the desire to die, I remember being little and banging my head against the wall after my brother kept harassing me, and while crying I used to say that I don't wanna live, but should a kid know what life and death means at a such young age?

Every now and then I see the pain of others, I see little kids aching, I see pain that even adults fall victims to, I see pain that is barely bearable, and they say such words that I am amazed and conflicted at the same time. They're little geniuses and philosophers and they deserve a loving family, loyal friends and normal living conditions no more studying under the candle light, bearing the cold that gets through the cold walls and endure hunger 'cause the don't have anything to eat, I wanna help them out but I am no one, it kills me that there are thousands of people around the globe who keep doing stupid things and spending money on useless stuff while millions of people bear hunger and thirst. I'll give you a few examples: Kim Kardashian, Roman Abramovich, Mark Cuban. 

If, in a million years, I get to be a millionaire and live against the beliefs I have at these moments please kill me. 

Everyday going to sleep I have one wish, to fall into a deep coma and never wake up, and for my organs to be donated to kids, that way I'll get to live through them. 

The following is addressed to a special someone, she knows who's that person. 

Hey, if you're reading this piece of article don't get sad, at least not very sad, just a little, I'm sorry that a part of your happiness depends on me, and I'm sorry that a piece of my happiness depends on you, and I don't know if I will ever get through all this but if I do, I promise to keep you close by, you are the closest thing that comes to a great companion for my journey. I'm sorry this is not a perfect world, but if it were I'd take you far away from the people who have hurt you so many times and so deep, once you asked me what would you do if you were omnipotent, well, if I were omnipotent I'd take you out of there, take you and other friends of mine with whom we share life similarities, build a house and name it "The Central Perk", I know you would love that, I know you that much. That house would signify our second take to a great life, start, literally start from that house and who knows where life would lead us from there, but I'd sleep a lot better knowing that we stood a real chance.

Don't know what else to say so I'll leave it just that. 

See you next time, whenever that will be. 

Be kind to one another and maybe you'll get to change a life.


Choosing this image was appropriate because it signifies a road going somewhere, that right now I am on a road that's going somewhere, I'm not at the bus stop anymore, I'm not in the waiting anymore and that's a good thing, I've been waiting for a change for years now and even if that change didn't occur yet there are signs that it will do so and that's going to be soon. There is a person in my life, who in a very short time managed to bring so much happiness in my life I couldn't even imagine that it was possible, she succeeded in things others didn't and I can't be more thankful.

Overall the story of my life couldn't not be more sad, living in a broken family where lying, manipulating and blackmailing prevails, where everybody screams at each other and name calling is a normal thing I used to think that I don't have any options left, that I have used all my chances at having a normal life far away from all this sadness and despair, far away where I could start all over. But that has changed a few days ago.

As I mentioned there is one person, among the very few other, who has faith in me, who believes in me like no one, not either my parents, believed in me ever before. She's my best friend now and we are there for each other as much as we can, we're thousands of miles away but this the kind of friendship you only read in books about but few of us get to experience.

I almost have lost all hope when she pulled me back to life. Thanks to her:
  • things started to change for the better, something like this hasn't happened since I dropped out of uni almost 18 months ago
  • I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's not the light from the oncoming train anymore.
  • I am making plans again.
  • I can dream again
  • there is significantly less pain and depression 
  • even more than that, I am smiling more often, I might even laugh
  • no matter how hard I've been trying to see my future, see good things happening to me I couldn't do it but now I can.
  • now I can listen to sad songs and not become sad myself, it applies as well for movies and other stuff.
  • she's making my life easier to bear. 
  • thanks to her now I have OPTIONS.
Thanks to her I'm 34 steps closer to my dream coming true. I'm making plans, thinking strategies and adding tools to make sure that my project it's going to be a success.

In one of my previous posts called "Angels" I said that it doesn't happen very often when total strangers who didn't know you from before, out of the blue, did something amazing for you. Also, it doesn't happen very often for people who get to know you, land you a hand and change your life completely, and all they ask in return is to pass that kindness onto others. They ask you to pay it forward. I call this kind of people angels whom I'm thankful as they manage to restore my faith in this place called earth.

So did that person I keep telling you about, she keeps changing my life on a daily basis, today is a better day than yesterday, tomorrow is going to be even better.

Besides the many amazing things she did, like the very few I mentioned above, she donated a whooping

I couldn't see good things happening to me before, but now I do, even more than that, I see lots of good things happening to other people and all that thanks to one person. For a lot of time I was thinking that my life was not changing, that somehow I stopped living but thanks to her I am now embarked onto a whole new journey and you are all invited to join me. 

Are you going to join? 

Are you going to support me? 

Are we going to be there for each other?

It's been a long time since I've been in good spirits and I'm not going to give up on it anytime soon. With that donation she brought me closer to my dream and I can see the start of my project somewhere in the spring of 2013. 

Wanna help me bring the starting date even closer?

Wanna know what's in it for you and others ?

I'm not a person  who makes promises and doesn't keep them, I'd rather not make them at all if i don't intend to keep them, a lot of promises have been made to me and most of them have been broken. Now I must know better not to make any I don't intend to keep. 

But now I'm gonna make a few I will fight for. I solemnly promise to:
  • Donate myself for different projects once the project I wrote will start bringing revenue 
  • I promise to donate for other people in need, now I am one but soon I'm gonna stop being one
  • I donated before and I wanna do it again.
  • Help others develop their own projects that will bring them financial independence and besides that to make an impact on others
  • I've been strongly inspired by Pay It Forward culture featured in the movie with the same title and I'm gonna keep promoting through all the tools I have at hand. 
Specific to the project:
  • I can't wait to meet all the donors and potential tourists in my country
  • Make your stay as enjoyable as possible
  • Guide you and organize you professional photo shoots  throughout our most visited locations
  • Have a taste of our national cuisine, listen to our national music.
  • And simply have fun.
Now the biggest question of them all.