Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends
One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away..."
That was a fragment from once my favorite song from Moulin Rouge sang by Nicole Kidman who proved that besides being a terrific actress she has an amazing voice and was able to deliver with extreme intensity and drama, not everyone is able to feel this song to his very core but most certainly that was its intention. Years have passed since I saw that movie for the first time but these lyrics have never stopped carrying the same amount of truth and I still find myself saying silently to myself that someday I'll fly away and leave all this to yesterday, be able to start a new life and make my long unfulfilled dreams reality. With every day passing I'm getting more detached from the country I live in and get attached to the country I've been dreaming to get to for a long time now - United States of America. I'm a citizen of the world so to some extent I don't care about the country I was born in but I do care about the country I identify myself with. When I say that I don't care about the country I was born in don't get me wrong, I do care about it I am just too different and my set of values and morals is just too different from the existing ones in that country. I'm not accusing it of anything, I'm just sorry that it's not able to deliver the tools to make my dreams come true while being able to live in it and not leave for another country.
Anyway, this post is going to be mash-up of my latest thoughts that weren't enough to write an individual post for each one of them.
I love airports. I love airplanes. If someone would ask me If I wanted to live in an airport I'd probably say "hell yeah". Planes taking off, planes landing, seeing happy faces or even some sad faces, people carrying their luggage around, waiting for their flights, I find those things rather enjoyable. Once I was waiting for my flight for Frankfurt by the gate and through the speakers classic music has been purring out, I felt like I was in a movie and my life was finally turning around and everything that was about to follow was good. It's incredible how such things make me optimistic all of the sudden and happy, if you'd see my face while in an airport you'd think that I smelled some crack I had the opportunities to fly on a Boeing 737 and Airbus 319, 320 and 321 and some other small type of airplanes but I am still craving to fly on a Boeing 747 but most importantly on an Airbus A380, the giant jumbo-jet that has been crossing the sky for years now and I am a huge fan of it, I've watched several documentaries about it and learned that this plane is a engineering marvel with lots of cutting-edge features.
I dream someday to fly on one on my way to New York, an Airbus A380 flies everyday from Frankfurt International Airport right at 8 AM in the morning and usually it doesn't take more than eight and a half hours to land in New York's JFK airport.
Yesterday I was daydreaming of getting into the states and apply for US citizenship 'cause as long as I don't have one I can't legally work. Then, find some jobs as extras on movie or TV series sets, that way making a living, be able to save up some money and pay for acting classes and while working learning about acting for television. But of course that is not going to happen anytime soon, daydreaming is just the time of the day when I lose any ties with reality and imagine that my life is amazing and I'm doing what I love the most, helping others while I enjoy living my life. I help others now as well but I don't enjoy living. Several days ago I gave my favorite flash-drive to one of my neighbors and he managed to lose it, I was crazy mad 'cause that flash-drive was bought while visiting some friends in Germany a year ago and it was a beautiful reminder that for once I got to visit Germany and I said that I will never ever help that guy anymore but that way I'd be a jerk and one thing that I can't do is being a jerk so I ended up helping him several times after that. So, I guess, yeah, I'm bragging that I am an extraordinary person :) who is extraordinarily unlucky.
If I were to fly somewhere that plane won't crash 'cause that would mean that I am lucky, I've been dreaming for a severe form of brain cancer and die fast, so for anyone on that plane must not worry 'cause they will safely get to their destination.
One of many conclusion I can make based on the things I've wrote earlier is that I am more american than I am romanian, I might not carry a torch for my country but I insanely love romanian language, it's a beautiful Romanic language (also referred to as Romance or Latin language) and I am trying to speak romanian as correctly as possible on a daily basis. I will always love it, it will always have a place in my heart. While daydreaming of being an american I've managed to learn english as much as I could 'cause not being surrounded by english speaking population at some point you hit a speed limit, I mean you don't stop learning new stuff but it becomes an insanely slow process. I watch american tv everyday, I read tons of news most of them TV related, I watch american movies, follow the careers of the actors that starred in those movies, I follow the statistics of the box office, I follow the ratings for the TV Series on the air, I read reviews, I write reviews occasionally, to some extent I follow american politics and rooting for Obama for a second term of presidency, though he failed to change so many defective things in America I believe that he is more suitable for presidency than the other candidate. The music I listen mostly is american as well. S I'll say it again, I'm mostly american although I don't have American citizenship and I'll probably never get to have it. If I would go back I wouldn't change a thing about me, maybe improve something, be more blunt, more self-appreciative, more confident and less stressed, but overall I'm fine with who I am, I just wish I had more luck.
From time to time some people say about me that I am a smart person, even intelligent and that someday I'll rich unimaginable heights but that is the moment when I get sad and somehow pissed and I start asking myself "If I am that smart, and that intelligent than why can't I get out of this rabbit hole? It means only that I am not smart and intelligent at all". I wish I was dumb, 'cause somehow I imagine that dumb people live a lot more happier, they go to work, get home, have some sex and go to sleep and the cycle continues, they love their daily routine, very few things bothers them, their view on the world is pretty much tight and narrow.
My last attempt to succeed is pretty much a failure, I wrote a project "about improving Moldovan touristic image everywhere by making tourist's journeys enjoyable long before they set foot in Moldova. Moldova is a country where you can find common language with a lot of people and that's because we speak more than one language, among the many there is our national language - Romanian, but also you can find russian speakers, french speakers, english speakers, ukranian and some speaking turkish. Moldova is a country where anyone who wants can come and establish a family, we are hospitable and welcoming as long as we all, natives or not, respect the customs and the traditions of our country. As one of our former rulers, Stefan the Great (also known as Stephen III of Moldavia) once said "The lands we have now do not belong to us, but they belong to our grand grand children" and he was right, we must fight for a better life on our lands and never let others slander what others have built with blood and sweat."
But it's going incredibly slow, I mean thanks to a lady from United States and one from Germany, both preferred to stay anonymous, thanks to them I am not at the square one anymore, thanks to them I got the funding for the six percent of the project. At the beginning I gave up twice before I got these donations, now even if I want to give up I just can't, I feel like I owe it to them, I don't wanna disappoint them so that's why I am gonna keep doing it until I get the full funding and someday be able to donate myself for other projects I will believe in. I am a strong believer of the paying forward effect, I was really inspired of that ever since I watched Pay It Forward, the movie which had Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment in the main roles.
There is no secret I wanna get rich someday but I wanna become that way for the right reasons I believe in, in this article I made kind of a bucket list of the things I wanna build, change or do. I don't need to get rich to do some of the things I daydreamed to do. There was a case last year, when a few kids all of the sudden became orphans as their parents died in a car crash and the way that TV channel told their story that some of their relatives who already had their own children took them into their family and since they were poor it was the struggle of their lives, I literally burst into tears, I took my phone and I donated everything I had, it wasn't much but I felt it was all worth it, my parents never understood this thing, me donating for others, they consider themselves poor, I mean they are but not to the extent they think they are. I inherited that from my parents, blowing things out of proportions and overly exaggerate things. Anyway, I wanna donate everything I can to those in need but for that to happen I gotta get out of this group of people, not being in the need all the time myself.
Although I want this post to be read by lots of people I know for sure that there a few people who will read it and leave me a message and for that I am thankful in advance, I just can't exist without them, without them I am nothing.
If you have something to say please do so, I want and I need your comments, they make me happy, they make me feel that I matter, even for a bit but I do matter.
Be kind to one another and maybe someday you'll get to change a life.