What if ...

Most of the time I think what if I was never supposed to live this life ? And if I am living it what if I am not cut up to actually live it ?

Some people or maybe most of them, want just to adjust just a little their lives to be better. I, want it to be entirely different and I don't need "it's not too late" kind of crap. I've been existing 8 192 days on this f***ing earth, but I've actually lived just a few, nor to say not one of them.

I know when to admit that is or isn't my fault, here, it is, but it's not entirely mine, I'd say more than that, it's my fault just a little. I don't want this life, I don't want it at all. I know, in another life I'd live it totally different and I bet I'd have a bigger impact on people.

I have a flame in my soul, too small to cause a fire, too big to die.

My dreams are dying, one by one, it doesn't necessarily mean that yours should too. If you have a dream pursue it no matter what, if you can and no one stands in your way do it, think of those who want but can't, you owe it to them. Make their dreams live through you. Make their lives mean something.

I am another drop in the ocean, insignificant.

I believe that in the past there were a lot of people, great and smart and intelligent people, who never saw their dreams come true, and maybe this a way to find peace, to find closure for the broken dreams. Everyday I go to the graveyard of my dead dreams, only to realize they're not there, they've come to me to haunt me everyday and it's not hard to answer to the "why" question, it's because I let them, it's painful but also in a weird way comforting.

In another life, having the same personality I bet my life would have turned out to be great. Wanna know why ? I have a soul or maybe to much brain chemistry, I understand people in a way that doesn't involve logic, logic is for solving math problems, not for everyday human interaction. I wanna say my mom taught me the difference between right and wrong but I'd be lying, I did it by myself, therefore I am capable to make difference and find the line between them and it's not that blurry as it seems to many people. I laugh and cry, sometimes one more than the other.

I know a lot but most of the time it seems like I don't know a thing. Nowadays nothing surprises me, but this should be true like if I were 40 not 22. I've  seen to much pain and misery for my age, maybe it's the country I live in, maybe it's the century,  I don't know exactly.

My life is in a painfully slow motion, as there is a saying, more of a joke to be exact, I had a dream since I was a kid, and that was to retire, cause I'm to tired already. All I hope now is to finally meet the day of actually living until it's not way to late.


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